Restless Spirit
by Sariel367
Summary: Squall has survived the Sorceress War, but he's been to Hell and back in the process. What if Squall didn't handle all the events that took place so well? Rated R for language and mature content in later chapters!!! Please Read & Review! Thanks :)
1. Chapter 1

Hello All!. . .I got this idea about two nights ago when I had been up for 38 hours. I was thinking of Vietnam and how some of the veterans got post traumatic stress disorder from all the horrible things they went through and well I thought of Squall and, if you don't know what PTSD is, it is a mental disorder that can cause a person to become violent, hallucinate, flashback, etc. Any ways got off subject thought it would be interesting if Squall might display some of those traits. Well any who its just an idea, that I'm not sure will really go anywhere but it sounded fun to write! So please enjoy, read, and review. . .won't you? : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, though I really wish I could because that would just be too much fun ;P

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Restless Spirits

Squall sighed and closed his eyes. 'This meeting is going nowhere,' he protested silently as he readjusted himself in the chair. Headmaster Cid had been prattling on now for about an hour and a half and somehow he had managed to say the exact same thing over and over again. 'how many times does he have to say Seed needs to be prepared at all times. We know from past experience that things can happen at any…and so on. Blah blah blah,'Squall thought bitterly.

'How long is the old man going to keep going? Fuck!' Squall opened his eyes and with his left hand braced his head on his fist. 'Gods I hate this. It's the same old shit. Everyday was the same since Ultimecia's demise, and today in particular it is warring on my nerves.' Squall frowned and quickly took hold of his anger, pushing it down so he could keep himself calm.

Cid coughed and brought Squall back to reality. He stared coldly at the headmaster. 'Fuck,' he thought now royally annoyed, 'He must've noticed me wondering.' He quickly straightened up and put his hand in his lap. 'God this is so damn boring!' Again he found his mind succumbing to the onslaught of boredom, when he heard Cid state, "That's all for now. You may be dismissed."

Squall rose stiffly from the chair and eyed the clock that now read 13:00. The meeting had begun at 10:30 am and he could not help but feel that he had wasted three and a half hours of his life. 'Fuck why do adults have to talk so long?' Squall started to make his way out of the room when suddenly he felt a hand tap his shoulder.

Slowly Squall turned his head and sighed. "What?" he asked his voice cold and emotionless even to his ears. He watched as Cid's eyes grew wide with concern but was then quickly replaced with a fake warmth as a smile crept across the old man's lips. "I need those IC-1A forms by tomorrow morning and also. . ." 

'Fuck,' Squall hissed silently. He paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly waiting for the headmaster to finish. Then he opened his eyes and smugly said, "The IC-1A forms are already on your desk, as are the new transcripts on Garden, along with all Seed exam performance results, inspector results and instructor reports."

Cid stared blankly at him a moment then smiled. "That's wonderful! I'll get to work on 'em immediately. So you know what that means right. . .?" Cid said happily as he patted Squall's back roughly.

Squall clenched his teeth to keep from yelling at the man. Then he closed his eyes. Cid stopped and waited for his reply but when he received none he merely continued, "That means that you can have the rest of the day off!"

"But I. . ." Squall began but was quickly cut off by Cid. "No buts! Go on relax, enjoy yourself," Cid smiled Squall shrugged off the old man's hand and slowly made his way out of the conference room. "Whatever. . ." Then Squall left.

'Stupid fucking old. . .' he stopped his train of thought and sighed. He turned down into the next hallway shaking his head. A small group of female students stopped talking immediately after they noticed him. He glared at them as he saw that they were staring at him then quickly looked away. He could feel their eyes on him and he hated it.

He was nearly to the elevator when the girls started up again. "Wasn't that Squall?" one asked sheepishly. "ya," another one proclaimed, "that's him. He's the one that led that troupe of Seeds who defeated the Sorceress."

"Really?" the shy girl asked cutting off the other. "Uh-huh," another piped in, "and he's dreamy to! Too bad he doesn't talk much. I'd love to have a few words with him." The girls giggled and Squall felt as though he would vomit.

Everyone had been hanging on him lately. Either following him like love sick puppies, fanatics are gabbing as the glimpsed him. They all adored him and he hated it. Every single bit of it. The elevator bell sounded and Squall gave a sigh of relief as he entered it. He would be glad when he was alone in his dorm room.

~*~*~*~

Squall shut the door, latching all the locks to prevent anyone from just walking in. Quickly he undid the Seed jacket and tossed it carelessly to the couch. Then he peeled off the white T-shirt and threw it into the hamper. He felt the cool air on his bare chest and shivered. He sat on the couch and took a deep and let it out slowly. He could feel a headache coming on.

"Fuck," he moaned and undid his boots. He peeled them off and then the socks. Now free of most the annoying, scratchy and uncomfortable clothes Squall headed to his bedroom. He forgot he had opened his window earlier and smiled as he felt a faint breeze tickle his skin. He flopped onto the bed and sighed.

Squall closed his eyes. He felt the sun beam down upon his bare chest warming him with its afternoon glow. A gentle breeze blew in through the window bringing with it the smell of fresh cut grass and flowers from the fields outside of Garden.

It had been four months since the Sorceress Wars ended. 'Four long dull, boring months,' Squall thought bitterly as he opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling.

Squall sighed closing his eyes once more. He was still "Commander" of the garden. Everyday was the same thing though. Get up, go through his daily routine in the Garden, which anymore consisted mostly of walking around, checking to make sure things were in order, getting reports, sending orders, training and all the other bullshit that came with being a leader of Seed and Garden.

"I never asked for any of this," he said as traced circles on the floor.

He had become restless and craved to be alone even more then before. However, the Garden along with Zell, Selphie, Quistus and all the others simply wouldn't allow it. Squall hated the attention. He felt so damned awkward and weak.

Squall ran his hand through his hair and gritted his teeth in frustration. He simply had nothing left to fight for in life. There was no challenge, no rival, nothing. All there was now was a questionable future with nothing he could see to looking forward to. Then there was his past which was full of hardship, pain and regret and that was something he'd rather forget but found that it always managed to snake its way into his mind, in one form or another.

"Damn," he hissed as boredom and sulking became nauseous. He sat up and took in a deep breath of air, then slowly released it. He was anxious and bored and he had always found that to be a dangerous combination. It was kind of like letting Zell drink three energy drinks, scarf down a load of sugary bi-products then sticking him in a small confined space. All it meant for Squall was a lot of trouble, a headache and likely an ulcer before he turned thirty.

He had to do something, he had to get alone and away from everyone and let out some of his aggressions. He decided that the Training Center would be the perfect place to accomplish this such goal. With this he rose from his bed and walked over to the closet, grabbing a black T-shirt he put it on and quickly and reached down for his boots.

'Today I'm gonna let some steam off and Gods help anyone who bugs me,' he thought as he strapped the last boot buckle into place. He grabbed his gunblade and headed out of the dorm room. It was mid-afternoon and class was still in session, which meant that most of the Garden would be quiet. Squall allowed himself a rare smile as he made his way to the Training Center.

Squall had decided to only junction two of his GF's. The two he could relate to the most, Diablos and Bahamut. Diablos was the great master of darkness and chaos. One of the most dreaded and least popular of all GF's. However Squall felt that the GF was severely misunderstood. For after besting him in battle Diablos vowed to aid them in their battle against the Sorceress Ultemicia. And then the GF had stayed with him even after the ordeal was over. 'He's so misread, hated and feared for no real reason that I have ever been able to find,' Squall thought as he looked to the sky.

Then there was Bahamut. King of dragons, Lord of destruction, highest power to that of Eden. A noble beast like god with a strong sense of pride, self and never showed fear to its enemy. Something Squall had strived for in life to be like, but felt that he could never reach. Now however in the eyes of others he was just like that, just like Bahamut and this knowledge sickened him.

"How can they trust me so, when I don't even think I trust or believe in myself?" he mumbled as he made his way to the elevator. Squall hit the elevator button and a bell sounded. The doors slid open. Squall entered the elevator and hit the 1F button. The doors closed and the elevator hummed as it made its way down to the first floor.

'I hate this place,' Squall thought as the elevator finally made it to its destination opening its doors to the main floor of the Garden. Garden was no longer something he looked forward to. Not only had it sent him into battle, made him take full responsibility for his Seed group during their missions and then later the whole Garden, to which he did not want and had protested against, but had in the process gotten him tortured, had almost sacrificed him for the Sorceress, betrayed him, and had hidden all their information, motives and actions until they could no longer be hidden from him. Garden in its way had become a traitoress organization and he no longer felt the trust or will to even be associated with it.

Granted Seed had taught him a great deal. Mostly about discipline, fighting, the truth of war, magic, leadership skills and all things military based, but he couldn't help but feel that they also stole something from him. Was it his youth, his innocence? He couldn't tell anymore because in all truth if he ever had such a time in his entire life, the GF's that the Garden and Seed had given to him had nearly all but destroyed any such memories. Taking with them any proof he had ever really been a child or innocent in his mind's eye.

The others had told him and enlightened him of a bit of his past, but he never was like them. One of the gang. He was an outsider. Always looking in but always out side the ring, always alone. Always waiting when no one was watching to find a corner to sob silently into until he would fall asleep only to awaken alone from empty dreams.

Even when Rinoa had opened her heart to him, he was never able to really show it in return. 'There was simply no way,' he thought. He could never have truly loved her. He could never open his heart, soul or whatever it was that everybody wanted from him because he simply didn't have it. Sure he could act the part if he had to, but then so could every Tom, Dick and Harry. He truly hated where he was now and what his life had come to. Nothing.

His task was done. Seed was to save the world from the Sorceress and he along with the others had done that task. But now, now he was simply a Seed drone with a name.

He made his way into the training area. There were only two people and luckily for Squall they were to engrossed in kissing and feeling each other up to notice him. Squall's stomach churned at the display and he turned his head casting his eyes to the ground.

"Rent a fucking room," he muttered under his breath as he entered into the first battle room. 'Gods I hate that, I hope a Grat knocks 'em out and beats them.' Squall shook his head and sighed. 'I shouldn't judge, but this is not a make-out area.' He let the thought drop there.

He walked around for nearly twenty minutes and nothing had come and attacked him. Squall sighed and muttered to himself, "Whatever. . .this isn't my fucking day." He turned to make his way out of the Training Center, his hopes for a fight or two now lost. However when he turned he found himself staring into a pair of yellow, angry eyes that were glaring coldly at him.

The monster was hidden deep in the tall brush and let out a low rumbly hiss. Then it rose and stepped out into the open. 'A T-Rexaur,' Squall thought as the creature cleared itself from the over growth. It let out a roar then stared down at Squall.

Squall took his gun blade into his hands and stood ready for the battle. The creature did not hesitate to make the first move. It ran towards him and snapped its jaw forward. Squall dodged the creature and rewarded its attempted bite with a bite from his gun blade, straight over the monster's muzzle.

The T-Rexuar cried out, pulling its head back. Now was Squall's chance. He waited until the creature had backed away from him and then closed his eyes. He concentrated on the T-Rexaur's energy. He knew the creature kept a natural storage of dark or blind magic. With his mind he probed for the magic energy and he was rewarded for his efforts.

It loomed around the creature in vast quantities, in his mind he could see the dark, looming fog like magic. He reached out to it, tapped into it. He opened himself to it and at his command it gathered and came to him. Squall opened his eyes and he smiled, the dark magic was now his and he released it onto the T-Rexaur.

He watched as the energy shot out at the creature then disappeared from his eyes. The monster roared and Squall watched as its pupils fogged to an opalescent white, then the color in the T-Rexaur's eye faded. The creature was now blind.

The Monster let out a roar and charged forward. Then stopped just in front of Squall. The creature hissed and turned suddenly, hitting Squall with its tail. 

Before he could react the tail had struck him and had slammed him to the ground. The wind was completely knocked out of his lungs, his head was whirling and he lay there gasping for air.

The T-Rexaur turned, then sniffed the air. It hissed once more then quickly it jerked its head back then slammed it forwards. Squall was ready this time and as the head came down he rolled to the left narrowly dodging it then as the creatures head was still down Squall swung the gunblade into the creatures neck cutting deep into the T-Rexaur's throat. Then Squall quickly rose from the ground and scanned the area. There to his right were two huge boulders. He had an idea.

He ran quickly, dodging another bite attack from the monster and took shelter behind the large stones. Squall was gasping for air, his head and heart pulsed and he could feel blood trickling down his forehead. "Damn!" he hissed. 

He had to lure the T-Rexaur to the boulders. Squall stood and yelled as loud as he could to the creature, "Hey you, over here!" The monster turned then charged towards Squall. Then the creature lowered its head, but instead of hitting him the creature at full speed hit head first into one of the boulders.

A large chunk of rock broke off as the T-Rexaur's head struck the giant rock. The creature fell to the ground and thrashed about. Blood poured from its great gaping mouth as it cried out. Quickly Squall rushed towards the monster and struck at the core of its head, sending the gunblade deep into its skull.

The monster screamed and thrust its head, sending Squall and the gun blade into the rock. Squall couldn't scream, he would have but the air had been crushed out of his lungs and all he could do now was cough and watch as a spray of blood came from his mouth. He felt pain all over his body as the creatures head pulled away letting his body fall to the ground. Squall looked to his hand where he held on tightly to the gunblade.

Squall watched as the T-Rexaur slowly hefted itself from the ground then stepped towards him. The creature's face was no more then three feet away from his own and Squall could smell the monster's foul breath as it let out a low, gurgled hiss. Then the creature, slacked suddenly and fell to the ground.

"Serves. . ." he coughed and watched as small drops of blood landed on the gunblade and his hand, ". . .Serves you right you bastard," he whispered then the world went black.

Well that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed and I know there will be a least two more chapters. Promise cross my heart and hope to di. . .uhmm no I just promise! Till next Time. . .Tootles.


	2. Chapter 2

Alrighty. . .YAY another chapter is up, and I apologize for taking so long to get it out. Between work and all the other stuff going on time has been limited or spent in a state of zombie like grogginess. But that's ok! As always enjoy, read and review! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII and blah blah blah. . .

Restless Spirit

Irvine was bored. Selphie was busy helping with the SeeD exams, Quistus and Zell were on a mission somewhere near the Galbadian border, so the only person of possible companionship and entertainment was one Squall Leonhart. He sighed and knocked on Squall's dorm room door and waited for some snide remark, but there was nothing. He tried again and began to impatiently tap his foot. Still there was no response.

"Noth'n," he said then shrugged in bitter defeat. 'Damn and he was my last hope. Oh well, guess I'll go down myself,' he thought as he turned and began walking. 

He made his was to the elevator and hit the button. The elevator's bell went off and the door opened. Two female students walked out of the elevator. "Ladies," Irvine greeted them tipping his hat just so and stepped off to the side to allow them to pass.

"Hi," one of them said while the other giggled, blushing red as he walked past them. Irvine smiled. 

"Still got it!" he said to himself as the elevator doors closed. The elevator stopped at the first floor. Irvin got out and made his way to the training center, whistling happily as he went.

Another student waved to him and he gave a quick nod and smiled. He walked into the training center which was surprisingly quiet. He made his way through the fist two training rooms then entered the third room where he saw something he hadn't expected. A large T-Rexaur lay in the middle of the track. 

"Fuck," Irvine muttered as the picture finally sunk in. He had run into a couple of these creatures before but he always had at least two other people with him, and usually had a GF or two. He took in a deep breath of air and released it slowly as he drew Exeter from it's harness. He raised the rifle and kept it fixed on the creature in front of him.

'I don't like this, not one fuck'in bit. Something's off,' he thought as he neared the creature, "it's not even moving.' Irvine fought down the mass of butterflies that now seemed to plague his stomach as he made his way around the T-Rexaur. That was when he noticed the large puddle of blood about the monster's neck and belly. He rested the gun on his shoulder as he walked closer to the monster and inspected the deep gash along it's neck.

'This puppy's only been dead a little while,' he thought then let out a sigh of relief as he confirmed that the creature wasn't breathing. Irvine smiled and kicked the creature in the gut. The gash was a good clean cut towards the top then towards the middle of the cut it became ragged and the cut appeared as though something had exploded then ended in a clean cut. Irvine could not help but feel that he recognized or should have recognized what weapon was used . Suddenly he was snapped out of his thought when he heard a groan from the back of the monster.

Quickly he drew his gun forward once more and cautiously made his way around the creature's head. That was when he saw something he thought he'd never see. There, slumped up against one of the rocks was Squall. His gunblade was slipping from his limp grip, one leg obviously broken from the angle it was bending at, blood covered part of Squalls face and his arm.

"Squall!" Irvine yelled as he ran towards him. He dropped down beside him, putting down his gun he grabbed at the brunette's shoulders shaking him vigorously. "Squall!" he yelled again his voice edged with panic and concern. Quickly he took Squall's pulse, and when he found none he felt a small wave of panic run through him. 

"Oh shit," he said as he pulled his hand away which was sticky with blood and Irvine had to work to keep himself from throwing up. Desperately he dug into his coat pocket and drew a phoenix down. He rose and stepped back from Squall then cast out the spell. Irvine watched as the spell surrounded Squall in a faint red color fog before it disappeared. At first nothing happened, Irvine watched horrified. 'Oh fuck,' he thought, 'I was too late.' He closed his eyes and tried fighting back the sudden rush of loss when he heard a gasp. Irvine opened his eyes and smiled but the smile quickly faded as he watched Squall begin to cough sending out a spray of blood.

"Squall. . .?" he said as he got to Squall's side. 

"Uhh?" Squall said not bothering to look up.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Irvine cursed under his breath as he knelt down. He hooked one arm about Squall's waist and placed Squall's left arm over his shoulder. "Ok Squall on the count of three we're gonna stand." Without waiting for a reply from Squall he began to count, "One, two, three!"

Squall winced as they rose and dropped the gunblade. "My. . ." He coughed and sent out another spray of blood. 'Damn,' Irvine thought, 'must have internal injuries.'

"Don't worry about it I'll get it later. You're more important!" Irvine told him his voice sounding hard and stern in his ears.

"Whatever. . ." Squall said curtly before passing out.

"Fuck Leonhart!" Irvine hissed under his breath as Squall went limp in his grasp. Irvine was now half dragging, half pulling Squall as he went. He had made his way through the second room and upon entering the first was glad to see three other people.

"Hey," he called out to them. They turned around and Irvine watched as the student's faces went from mildly annoyed to looks of surprise and horror. 

"What happened?" one of them yelled as they ran over to his side.

"I'm not sure," Irvine said shortly, in no real mood for chatting, "Listen! I need your help with him." He nodded towards Squall then turned his attention to the rather nervous looking female student, "Hey I need you to run to the infirmary and tell the doctor to get ready for us." Then he turned to one of the other student's and asked him, "Ya got a weapon, right?"

The student nodded. "Good! In the third room you'll see a T-Rexaur, don't worry it's dead." He stopped and sighed then began again more quietly, "Squall saw to that. By the rocks is mine and Squall's weapons. Will you go get them and bring them back to the infirmary?"

"Yes Sir!" the student said and saluted. He turned and ran, making his way to the doors leading to room two. Irvin turned to the remaining student. 

"Alright, you help me with him. Grab him on the other side and lift." Then he quickly added, "And be careful on his ribs, I think some of 'em might be broken!" With that they were on their way.

~*~*~*~*~

Squall awoke and he let out a groan as he covered his eyes, shading them from the glow of the flourescent lights. "Shit," he moaned quietly as he tried to sit up. His mind swam and pain exploded along his back and chest. He laid back down, gasping for air, trying to stop the pounding in his head.

'Where am I?' he thought as he studied his surroundings. Then a familiar voice broke his concentration. 

"Ah good you're awake." Squall's vision was blurred but he knew without a doubt that the voice belonged to Dr. Kadowaki. A hand was gently laid on Squall's forehead then pulled away. "Your warm," she said then stood there silently staring at him.

"Whatever," Squall rasped, "I have to get out of here." He tried to raise himself again but pain exploded throughout his body. He dropped back down to the bed. He coughed, squeezing his eyes tightly.

"I'm afraid you won't be leaving just yet, or by yourself for that matter." the Doctor said shortly, annoyance obvious in her voice. "But," Squall protested as he felt the Doctor's hand on his shoulder forcing him to stay down.

"Now listen to me Leonhart!" he stopped and stared coldly at Dr. Kadowaki. 

"What?" he asked sharply before closing his eyes waiting for some long, exasperated speech of how he should let people help him and that he needed his rest and all the other bullshit that adults seemed to dwell on about.

"You've been severely hurt," Squall rolled his eyes and sighed as the Doctor continued, "Poor Irvin had to revive not once but twice just to get you here, plus we could only heal you so far. Your leg is still. . ."

'Blah, blah, blah!' Squall was tired of all her bitching. He, after all chose to fight the monster. He's the one that got hurt not her, and why the Hell did she care what happened to him in the first place? He could die at any time so why get so pissy?'

"Look at you! Your not even listening to me," the doctor accused and she crossed her arms over her chest and stared down at Squall in shear annoyance.

"I heard you," he retorted quickly, "It's just. . .You're giving me a headache." The Doctor shook her head. 

"Smartass! You know if you don't get over your people problems, you're going to end up alone or dead Leonhart." Obviously Squall had pushed her patience to it's breaking point and he watched as she turned and made her way out of the room.

Squall closed his eyes. "Would that be so bad?" he asked quietly to himself.

He sighed and shook his head. His mind felt foggy and distant and he could feel the need for sleep working at him. He yawned and sank deeper into the pillows and blankets. Time passed slowly and blissfully as Squall neared sleep when a light knock came from the door.

"Wuh?" Squall mumbled as he cracked one eye open to see who was coming to pester him now.

"Hey." Irvine greeted quietly, concern in his voice. Squall tried pushing himself into a sitting position but pain burst from his chest. 

"Shit," he gasped falling back to the bed hugging his chest tightly.

"Hey, hey! Take it easy!" Irvine said gently as he came to the side of the bed. "Yeah don't have to get up on my accord," Irvine smiled mischievously knowing full well that Squall would probably make some snide ass remark back like " you wish" or maybe "in your dreams." But was surprised when Squall just lay there, teeth clenched, eyes closed.

'Shit he must be hurtin' real bad if he just let me get away with harassing him.' Irvine watched as his friend, his comrade tried desperately to bury the pain. "You want me to go and get the Doc for you?. . ." he was cut off by Squall who was glaring at him coldly through pain filled eyes.

"No. . .I'll deal with it," Squall said curtly then relaxed back into the bed. "So what do you want?" Squall asked his voice sounding tired.

Irvine just smiled and sat down in one of the guest chairs. "Not much. . ." he paused and stood to take off his jacket, "the Doc told me you finally woke up and asked me to keep an eye on ya. That's all."

Then Irvine's eyes got a mischievous twinkle and his once cat like smile grew wide. "She also said you were being one Hell of a stubborn assed lil' fuck." Irvine laughed and even Squall felt himself smiling slightly.

"Well I wouldn't be such a pain in the ass if I could leave and go back to work," Squall retorted glaring light heartedly at Irvin.

"Yeah, well you can't soooo. . ." Irvine rolled his eyes, "You mine as well be nice. Remember she's the one in charge of ya now and I'd hate to get an her bad side." Irvine faked a fearful shiver then smiled at Squall.

"To late for that," Squall said then yawned.

Squall could feel sleep beckoning him and he closed his eyes. "You know Irvine, I don't need a babysitter. . ." Squall yawned again his thoughts lost to his clouded mind.

Irvine sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "Yeah I know you don't but the Doc said, and I'm only following orders. 'Sides I'm not such bad company am I?"

He looked down to Squall and his jaw nearly dropped. "Huh. . .! He's asleep." Irvine said quietly then smiled. "You know if you were tired ya could have just said so." Irvine smiled again and looked at the ceiling, 'Now what?' he thought as boredom quickly took it's hold.

Ok ^-^! Yay another chapter is done! Hope you all enjoyed it, and please do review, good or bad it's all welcomed. Thanks and take it easy!


	3. Chapter 3

Alrighty. . .Hello all. Hope you're havin' a good time out there in the real world. Any who new chapter and ya, whatever. . .Now onto the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out well then maybe you never will. . .but just so I don't get sued or yelled at, all characters in this story belong to Squaresoft. I do not own Final Fantasy VIII. Alright now that that is out of the way onto the story! ; )

Just a note: Later on in the story Irvine's name will be spelt Iwin. . .you'll understand later. Don't worry it won't stay that way!

Irvine let out a long sigh. '91, 92, 93, 93 and a half. . .What the?! God I'm so bored I'm count'n ceiling tiles,' he thought as he let out an almost inaudible grunt of disgust.

He shifted in the uncomfortable chair and closed his eyes trying to think of something, anything that might distract him. "God," he mumbled as he brought his hands to his face. He slumped over and let his eyes relax in the darkness.

He sighed again and looked over at Squall through his fingers. He could not help but think how peaceful he looked in sleep. All the worry and stress that he normally wore on his face was gone. Instead it looked like Squall was neither happy or sad but simply content.

'It's to bad that he couldn't at least look that way more often,' Irvine thought sadly to himself. He tried to recall a time that Squall ever looked at ease or even happy. 'Damn he didn't really look happy even when he was with Rinoa. Shit. . .sure his face could look and act the part of be'in happy, but his eyes. No, his eyes were always so sad. It was as though his soul had never known anything else but sadness and pain.'

Irvine shook his head. Squall had had that sadness in his eyes even when he was just a kid. It might not have been as obvious then, but it had always been there.

A memory flooded to Irvine's mind and he closed his eyes, allowing the vision to take him.

~*~*~*~*~

Irvine felt as the sun beat down on his face. The sound of the ocean could be heard in the distance and he smiled. He took in a deep breath and sighed. The air smelt of the ocean and wild flowers.

"Hey Iwin!" came a small voice from behind him. "Iwin!" Quickly he opened his eyes and turned to see a small blonde boy running up to him. The boy was dressed in a pair of blue overalls and a red T-shirt.

"Iwin. . ." the boy stopped in front of him and plopped gracelessly to the ground. Irvine recognized the boy as Zell and smiled.

Zell's breathing went from tiny gasps down to normal and a smile grew across his face revealing a lost front tooth.

"Hey Iwin, whatcha doing?" Zell asked and cocked his head.

"No'ten," Irvine replied, "Why, ya got sometin' in mind Zell?

"Well actually. . ." Zell stopped to bat a small fly away from his face then began again, "Quisty an the others wanted me to go, and, and to find you and to, uhm, see if ya wanted to play with us down on the beach." Zell smiled and looked up at Irvine with pleading blue eyes.

"Uhmmmm. . ." Irvine thought a moment, dragging it out till Zell began to squirm in anticipation. He rocked back and forth on his heels and finally shrugged, "Ok!" he said.

Quickly Zell stood up, "Alwighty, then follow me!" Zell exclaimed puffing up his chest , happy he had gotten Irvine to come and play. Then he began to run towards the path down to the beach. Irvine followed laughing and watching as Zell spread his arms out and began making "whoosh" sounds as he ran.

Irvine smiled then took off after him, also spreading his arms. Then he quickened his pace. Running past Zell he smiled and made sure to make a loud "zoom" as he passed.

"Hey, you're supposed to follow me!" Zell whined as he slowed then eventually stopped.

"Uh huh I know," Irvine stopped running and turned around smiling back at Zell, "but you're go'in too slow. So I guess if ya want me to follow you, ya gotta run faster huh?" Then Irvine laughed and took off again down the trail.

"Oh ya!" Zell challenged then began laughing as he took chase of him.

Finally they made their way down to the beach where Quistus, Selphie and Siefer were playing and quickly joined in the game.

Several hours passed as they played on the beach. They were working on a sand castle for Siefer, who was supposed to be their great king, when Irvine looked up towards the orphanage. There he saw Squall staring down at them.

Squall sat there on a rock, legs curled up to his chest, arms wrapped about his legs, his head tucked between his knees. Just watching.

Irvine rose dropping the driftwood he had been using as a make shift shovel into the sand. He started walking off when he heard Siefer yelling at him.

"Hey?!" Siefer demanded, bringing his fists to his hips, "where do you think you're going? Your not done yet!"

"But," Irvine began, "but I saw. . . I uhmmm. . ." He stopped and Siefer tilted his head in confusion. "I think. . .I think maybe Squall might, well you know. Wanna play with us and stuff."

Irvine kicked lightly at the sand and stared at Siefer who was looking up at the sky, scratching at his head. "You know , Squall ain't gonna want to play with us. He never does! So why try?" Siefer asked and looked at Irvine.

"I dunno but I should try shouldn't I? I mean Matron always says to offer and be nice, so uhh, I guess it's just the right thin' to do."

Siefer shrugged his shoulder. "Kay," Siefer said then turned around, "Just make sure you come back and help us, this is the biggest castle we've made yet!"

Irvine smiled and nodded his head vigorously before running up the path to where Squall sat. As he approached Squall he slowed down until he stopped about three feet from him, and just when he was about to talk Squall spoke.

"What do you want?" Squall half snapped half mumbled to Irvine.

"Well," Irvine began then stopped shifting his gaze from Squall to the ground, "I wanted to know if you'd come down and play with us." Irvine looked up and his eyes met cold blue ones staring at him. He waited for Squall to say something but when he didn't he continued, "I saw you watch'in us and all down there and thought you maybe wanted to play with us and. . ."

Squall's eyes narrowed and watered, then he squeezed them shut. Irvine watched as Squall berried his head between his legs. "No just go away," Squall spoke coldly.

Irvine reached over and gently placed a hand on Squall's shoulder. Suddenly Squall rolled off the rock and stood, his hands clenched at his sides, his face contorted with sadness and anger. "Don't touch me!" Squall yelled at Irvine.

Irvine just stood there shocked. He took a step forward and stopped when he saw tears begin to fall from Squall's eyes. "Just. . .Just leave me alone," Squall said his voice barely above a whisper.

Then Squall turned away from Irvine and began walking to the orphanage. His hands were in his pockets now, his head hung down as though in shame.

Irvine just stood there for a while in shock till he heard Siefer and the others yelling his name and waving at him from the beach. Quickly he wiped the tears from his face on the sleeve of his sweater and waved down to the others. Then taking a deep breath and trying to clear his thoughts of what had just occurred he began to run to others once more.

The vision ended and Irvine let out a long saddened sigh.. "Fuck Squall, why are you so unhappy?" he said to no one in particular as he shook his head. Then he looked up towards the ceiling. 'What's made you so darn sad inside?'

~*~*~*~*~

Time passed and Irvine was beginning to nod off. He looked to the clock. He had been in here now for five some odd hours. He stood up and stretched popping his neck and knuckles. He let out a sigh and then yawned. That was when the door opened.

"Hey Irvine," Dr. Kadowaki said quietly and waved him to step outside the room as to not disturb Squall. Irvine bent down and picked up his hat and coat and silently made his way out of the room.

Once outside and the door closed the doctor turned and smiled. "Thanks for covering for me for a few hours. I think I got enough sleep to stay and monitor Squall the rest of the night so you're welcome to leave. You look like you could use some sleep yourself," she spoke gently.

Irvine nodded and yawned, stretching as he did so. "Yeah," he said, weariness obvious in his voice, "Yeah I think you're right about that one." He smiled and put on his hat and draped his coat over his shoulder.

"I think I'm gonna go snag a few z's. Hey, would you let me know if someth'n happens with Squall?" he asked.

"Sure, sure," the Doctor said. "But I don't think you need to worry about him unless he tries pushing my buttons again," she smiled and Irvine laughed lightly.

"Yeah, well if Squall knows what's good for 'em he'll behave," Irvine smiled and waved at the doctor, "Well I'm outta here."

"Alright Irvine," Dr. Kadowaki said happily, "Sweet dreams."

"Uh huh," Irvine said half mindedly as he left the infirmary.

Silently he made his way to the dorm rooms. 'Man Squall, why does such weird, sad shit seem to follow you around?' he thought as he yawned.

The Garden was quiet, the only sound came from the fountains and the crickets. Irvine smiled thanking the Gods silently for moments like these that seemed only to happen once in a blue moon.

Finally he reached his destination. Irvine let out a sigh as he began to fish for his keys from his pocket. He grabbed them and found the key to his dorm room and slid it into the lock. A small click sounded and he stepped inside.

Not bothering to turn the lights on he closed the door and locked it, jiggling the knob just to make sure the door was secure. Then he tossed the keys onto a makeshift table that stood by the door.

Irvine let out a long yawn and draped his coat over a chair along with his hat. Then he made his way to his bedroom where he proceeded to flop down onto the bed.

"Mhmmmm. . .fuck," he said groggily as he kicked off his boots while he worked on taking off his shirt. Irvine let out a happy sigh as cool air rushed over his bare chest. Then he slid off his socks and undid his pants. Sliding them off he tossed them down to the ground where they made a satisfying fwop sound.

"Finally," he said in a whisper, free now of all his clothes. He crawled beneath the sheets and yawned, nudging his head into the pillows. He could feel the onslaught of sleep beginning to take him and he willing let it.

Soon he was sound asleep, lost in blissful, blank dreams.

Ok people that's it for chapter three. Hey write me and tell me what you all think, good or bad it's all good. Any who hope that this chapter wasn't too cute or anything but it was necessary. . .Don't worry you'll all find out soon enough. Plus a special thanks to Saro for reading and helping me with the editing all this. Also to Meek. . .Uhmm I do plan on adding a little something, but it won't be for a while. But I promise when I get there I'll be sure to dedicate to you. . .though I don't think it will be quite what you asked for, but you'll see n_~. . .So until next update, Later


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